Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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