just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
