Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize