Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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