I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
