you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
