just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
