The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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