i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
