Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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