I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
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He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
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Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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