i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
