$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
