I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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