ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
