ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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