I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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