I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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