8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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