We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
