there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i've created a new STD.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Someone came in the potted fern
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm too high and old for this...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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