Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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