Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
