Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
