My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize