Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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