i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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