If i come over, it means nothing
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
