so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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