I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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