You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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