Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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