Are we in a gay sports bar?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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