I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
