goodnight i made you a song goodbye
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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