She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
