So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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