My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
