Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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