And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
