You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
