Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
