non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think people are normalizing furries
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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