That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
