omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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