Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
