DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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