I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize