people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
