and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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