Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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