Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
