UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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