listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
