i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
