i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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