Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
