WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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