Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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