so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have feelings that need drinking.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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