Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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