You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
