Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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