I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
