But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
