I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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