did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
