the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
