At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
