I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
