ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
